Corellian Whiskey
by Gillanna
Summary: Written for the Han/Leia Secret Santa Holiday Exchange 2019 It's been 5 months since Han was frozen in carbonite. There has been no sign of him and Leia is struggling to maintain hope that she will ever see him again. While trying to deal with leaderships judgements of her she manages to get some support from an unlikely place.


Han/Leia Holiday Exchange 2019

Thanks to some Migraine treatments and a stomach virus my entry is horribly late. I hope that the story being extra, extra long helps make up for that. My giftee princessenator wanted a story centered around Leia and had offered one of the following prompts "post-carbonite angst is to me as the finest wine is to a snooty bourgeois woman." Who could pass up a line like that? I hope you enjoy!

Corellian Whiskey

The whiskey burned as it made its way down her throat. In the background, Leia could hear the ship slowing down for the night. The shift change, which had happened close to an hour ago, had quieted the world down considerably, but it had done little to silence the thoughts in her own mind. She was hoping the whiskey would quiet the rest.

Leia had managed to perch herself on a small ledge out of sight high above the hangar bay doors. She was amazed that a spot like this even existed. While it held amazing views, it was also incredibly dangerous. She didn't understand why it had even been designed, let alone why there were no safety measures in place to keep people, such as herself, from going out on it in the first place. If she were in a caring mood she would have reported it as an issue and demanded there be a fix immediately.

Instead, she had decided it was a good place to hide out for a while.

She had been proud of herself for getting out to the middle of the ledge, seeing as it was less than half a meter wide. Even more so for doing it with the bottle of whiskey she carried with her.

Leia had taken the bottle from the Falcon after Bespin, although she hadn't really touched it before tonight. But in the last 30 minutes, she had managed to drain a quarter of it.

Shaking her head sharply, she tried to remember how she had gotten herself here, drinking Corellian whiskey, watching the ships come in and out of the hangar bay, sitting on this ledge, in this dress, cursing everyone and everything that moved.

After all, sitting on this stupid ledge hadn't been her original plan.

She had walked around the ship for a time, enjoying the fact that she was starting a colossal stir. Knowing leadership was going to be furious at her and yet she couldn't be happier.

One stray thought had shattered that and Leia found herself starting to cry. Ducking out of sight down the first hallway she had come across so no one would see her fall apart. That hallway just so happened to dead-end at the door to the ledge she was currently sitting on. It had seemed like a good place to sit for a while, at least it had while she was sober.

The Falcon had returned today but she had returned without her trusted captain. Leia had known Han wasn't going to be there. She had talked with Lando and Chewie a few days before and had accepted they were coming back empty-handed, again. Yet for some reason, this time the emptiness seemed to dig at her soul more than any of their other returns.

It had been 5 months since Han had been taken from them – from her. Frozen in carbonite by Vader, stolen away by the bounty hunter they now knew to be Boba Fett. Everyone had assumed getting Han back would be as easy as traveling to Tatooine, waiting a few days for him to be delivered to Jabba, staking the slugs palace out for a while, then regrouping to plan Han's rescue.

It seemed easy and foolproof.

So when Chewie had finally broken down and told her that they were coming back without Han, without any sign of him on Tatooine, without a reason to plan a rescue, and without any idea of where he was, she had started to shut down. To return to her old self, her old way of being.

She had started to acknowledge that losing Han the way she had, that it wasn't the worst part of the last several months. The worst part was the uncertainty of it. Of not knowing if he was alive or dead. If the carbonite would hold up until they discovered him.

In the last few days she found herself wishing that there would just be an answer. No matter what that answer was. She just wanted the not knowing to stop.

Leia despised herself for that.

She worried she was starting to give up. That she was beginning to let go of her last tendrils of hope and she didn't know if she could manage to go on without those. If she lost hope, then she lost Han, and that was not acceptable to her.

She'd attempted to stay positive over the last several months. It seemed trivial, but Leia had wanted Han to know when he came back that he had shown her she didn't need to be afraid to lose the people around her anymore. That she could tell him the 47 days they had spent together on the way to Bespin had changed her, in more ways than one.

No one understood how hard it was for her to stay in this constant state of fake positivity, except for Chewie. He knew. He understood in a way that no one else could how much it hurt to lose Han. He tried to stay positive for her but she recognized how terrified he was they might never get Han back either. She could see in him the same pain and anguish that mirrored in her own eyes.

When she had first returned to Home One, she worked very hard to ensure that no one, other than Chewie, Luke, and Lando, knew how desperately she missed Han as anything more than a friend. She hadn't wanted anyone to know her relationship with Han had irreversibly changed. Not because she regretted it. It was entirely because she didn't want others to use the information as leverage against her.

That was until today.

She had been so incensed during her meeting with leadership that after it ended she had immediately returned to her quarters to change, just happening to remember the bottle of whiskey and snagging it on her way back out the door, planning to make a lap around the ship.

She felt her eyes starting to burn with tears and reached for another drink.

She missed Han and she wanted him back. No, she needed him back. She was so sick and tired of having to walk around pretending that everything was fine when she really just wanted to break things. Of always having to perpetually fucking be perfect, proper Princess Leia.

Well, not anymore. She was done being the poster child for the Alliance. She was done letting others views of how she should act her dictate her life. She'd given everything she had, and after today's meeting, she could see it would never enough for some of them. That she would never be free to live her own life.

A patrol speeder passed below her and she had to stop herself from chucking the bottle angrily at it. Chewie had fought with her when she had initially stated she was going to go with Lando and him on their hunt for Han. Chewie kept telling her it was too unsafe for her to be traveling with them. She didn't care. She wasn't any safer running from the Empire. She wasn't any safer sitting on this ledge.

She could have found Han by now. She _would_ have found Han by now. She was going to see Chewie in the morning and tell him that she was going with them when they went back out, whether he liked it or not. No more playing on the sidelines just waiting and hoping something would happen.

While Han may have helped her to learn to let people back into her heart again, even at the risk of losing them, that didn't mean she was going to move on without him.

Leia frowned as she wondered if leadership would give her a leave of absence or if she would be forced to resign, and her heart couldn't help but sink a little. It wasn't that she wouldn't resign if they made her. She would pick Han without question, but defeating the Empire was her life's goal. It was everything she had worked for.

She wanted to start screaming that the Empire had taken everything from her. That they had shattered her into a thousand pieces – mind, body, and soul. Leaving her to try to glue everything back together.

Then finally, just as she had started to get all of the pieces back into place, they tried to break her again. Only this time, she didn't have Han to help put her back together.

The Empire had hurt her. They had come close to destroying her, but that's not why she still fought. She didn't fight to get her own revenge for what they had done to her. Not even for what they had done to Han.

She fought because she wanted to prevent them from doing it to anyone else. She never wanted another being to have to go through the living hell she had. If she had to resign from the Alliance, she prayed she would be able to find another way to continue her fight.

Suddenly, a transport cruiser emerged from the hangar within meters of her legs. She had been so distracted that she had momentarily forgotten about her precarious seating choice and her body's natural reaction to jump at the cruiser caused her to lose her balance, slipping momentarily on the ledge.

Being out on the ledge was stupid enough, being out on it while now intoxicated bordered on suicidal. She would be no good to Han if she fell to her death.

She turned her head back to the door she had come through, realizing how far away from her it was. As tempted as she was to try to make it back she knew she would only fall, cursing out loud she couldn't believe she had gotten herself stuck.

She briefly considered calling Chewie for help but he would never fit on the ledge, not to mention he would be livid with her. He would likely scream for hours at her for putting herself at risk like this. That only left Luke or Lando. Both would give her shit for getting herself stuck, but it would be better than Chewie.

Hearing another ship below her, she leaned back and closed her eyes. All she had wanted to do was cause a stir, and now she was going to need to get herself rescued. She could only hope someone would take a picture of her, in her dress, bottle in hand, being pulled off the ledge to turn in to leadership.

Maybe Mon Mothma and McQuarrie would leave her alone for a while.

Still, that wasn't the image she had wanted floating around. She had wanted to control the narrative and look like she was in power, now she would just look like a drunken fool upset over a guy. Poor drunk Princess Leia needing to be rescued, how embarrassing. How could she have been so fucking stupid to have let herself get…

"Well, I can't say I expected to find you up here."

Leia's eyes immediately shot open. The ship she had heard was not just another ship passing through the hangar. It was a skimmer normally used to move items from one area of the hangar to another, except it was currently empty, save for its pilot.

"Wedge, what brings you up here?" she asked desperately trying to sound as nonchalant as possible. If the Rogues started to gossip about her current state she would never live it down.

"I had been watching you up here for a while, when I noticed you almost fall, I figured it was time to have you come down. I do have to admit; I didn't realize it was you until I was up here." Wedge stated uncomfortably.

"What? A princess can't get dressed up and have a drink with a view?" Leia snapped smartly.

"Sure she can. It's umm, just not like this particular princess to do it in a restricted area." Wedge murmured while moving the skimmer closer to the ledge.

"It's not restricted! There wasn't a sign posted." Leia protested, immediately becoming defensive.

"Are you ready to come down?" Wedge responded figuring it was better to just ignore her statement. He knew there were signs posted but he wasn't about to start an argument with her. If he had known it was the Princess he would have gotten Luke to come to fetch her, especially after realizing how intoxicated she appeared. Knowing how much she liked to argue while sober, he could only imagine how much she must love to argue while drunk.

"That depends," Leia stated while looking around the hangar.

"On what?"

"On who you are going to tell about this?" Leia scowled, turning to glare directly towards him.

Wedge looked surprised by her tone. "No one!" He attempted to assure her.

"Right. I bet you can't wait to get back to tell all the Rogues about coming to my rescue." She snapped harshly at him.

"Your Highness, I swear to you, my only desire is to get you down safely before you get hurt. If you don't want me to tell anyone about this, I won't." Wedge insisted as he locked the skimmer in place directly next to her. "Now, can you please hop on before you fall?"

"You promise?"

"Yes." He said reaching his arms up to her.

"Fine." She answered bitterly. She didn't believe him for a second but what other option did she have? She had to have help to get down and this seemed the easiest way at the moment. She was unable to stop her snicker as she slid down into the skimmer with Wedge's help, keeping the bottle tightly gripped in her hand.

"What?" He coaxed confused.

"I was just thinking that I didn't believe you for a second, but that that was okay because I would have Chewie rip your arms out of their sockets for lying about it later." She explained before she could think of it.

Wedge looked completely stunned by her honesty. He couldn't say he blamed her for thinking that. In the world of politics, people must lie all the time. He had never thought about how draining it would be to never be able to fully trust the people, or what they said around you, at face value. To always be worried about their motives?

The Rogues might cause scenes and get into trouble often. But at least he knew, even when they were playing pranks on each other, there was a line they never crossed. There were white lies and real lies, and they would never really lie to each other when it mattered. They needed to depend on each other in battle. They couldn't do that if they didn't trust each other. He knew Leia trusted Han, Luke, Chewie, and Rieekan, and she seemed to trust Lando, even if it sounded like he was partially to blame for Han's capture. But Wedge was pretty certain those were the only people she trusted.

He knew she had gotten the nickname 'Ice Bitch' on Hoth. He had never thought the name was fair and had forbidden the Rogues from using it. The way she constantly worried over Luke, the way she always fought with Han, Wedge had known she was nowhere close to being an unfeeling 'Ice Bitch'. From the outside though, it was no wonder it looked like she didn't care about anyone. She had to look like she didn't care to not let others gain the upper hand.

For the first time since he had started talking to her tonight, he truly noticed her dress. It hit him that's why he hadn't realized it was her from the ground. He had seen her wear a few outfits on missions, but he had never seen her walk around in anything other than her normal Alderaan style.

While the dress was still very tame by nearly every planet's standard it was still shocking for her. It had a delicate overlay of lace which allowed her arms to be lightly seen underneath, as well as very small cutouts around her midriff which allowed small tantalizing sections of her stomach to peek through, the dress itself fell just below her knees. It wasn't the design of the dress that he found so surprising.

It was the color.

It was a deep shade of plum. He was sure he had never seen her in anything that color before.

He couldn't help but stare for a minute before realizing she was starting to look very uncomfortable by his ogling and noticed her take a small step backward away from him. He hadn't meant to stare, it was just that the dress was so striking. He shook his head as if that would somehow clear his thoughts, quickly trying to decide how to deal with a very intoxicated, upset Princess.

He figured he'd try to take his direction from Han and be honest with her. He could send Luke after her if that failed horribly.

"Your Highness I swear, I'm not lying. I am not going to say a word to anyone. You do have to realize other people have seen you up here though. They are going to see me bring you down. I can't stop that. What I can promise is I won't tell anyone that I saw you drunk, upset, or crying."

"I wasn't crying!" She yelled at him instantly.

"Your Highness I mean no disrespect, but you were. You've done a really good job pretending not to care that you've lost one of the most important people in your life. But there is nothing wrong with crying and being upset over missing Han. If you want to continue to let people think you don't feel anything that's fine by me. Just know, I've never believed the front you put up."

"Fucking Corellians." Leia couldn't help but gripe.

"Well, we do tend to call it as we see it. I would have thought you'd be used to that by now." He smirked as she shot him a look that suggested she might shove him off the skimmer. "What led you up here if you don't mind me asking?"

"I had a meeting with leadership that didn't go very well, so I decided to go for a walk. I just happened to end up here."

"Fair enough. You might want to hold on to the rail while we come down."

"Wedge?" Leia started.

"Don't worry. I know a spot in the hangar no one works in. I can't promise no one will see you, but I'm not going to drop you off in the middle of the loading zone."

She nodded lightly at him and gripped the rail to steady herself. They were quiet the rest of the ride down. Leia couldn't help but feel bad for snapping at Wedge. She knew he was a decent guy and both Luke and Han trusted him.

True to his word he had managed to fly behind storage containers and land out of sight. She was actually starting to think she might have managed to get down with no one realizing it was her.

"Down in one piece as promised." Wedge said smiling while landing the skimmer.

"Wedge, I… I just wanted to…" Leia sighed loudly before finally saying, "I'm sorry for snapping at you for helping me. You didn't deserve that."

"It's okay, Your Highness. I am just glad I was around to help. Can I have your word that you will avoid any more ledges for a while?" Wedge jested opening the rail to allow her to step off but she didn't move.

"It's not okay. You're right. I miss Han and I am in a shitty mood tonight, but that doesn't make it okay to take it out on you." She slurred earnestly.

Wedge paused a moment before considering the Princess before him. She must have been incredibly lonely over the last several months. Chewie and Lando were always out looking for Han, and Luke was spending more and more time away from the fleet doing his Jedi training. He wasn't sure if she would go for it, but he wasn't about to let her feel alone anymore if he could help it.

"Princess, if you were done with your plans for the night, how about you join us for some Sabacc? Luke, Chewie, and Lando will be there." He added hoping she might say yes knowing there would be a few friendly faces in the group.

"That's a nice offer Wedge, but as you can clearly tell I wouldn't make for good company." She replied diplomatically. She knew how the Rogues Sabacc nights went. Lots of drinking, lots of laughing and goofing off. While she wouldn't mind the drinking, no one would want her bringing down their good moods. Besides, she doubted they would enjoy having a member of leadership crashing their party.

"So what." Wedge remarked straightforwardly.

"Excuse me?" She asked surprised.

"I said, so what. Your Highness, no one will care that you are in a shitty mood. Everyone will be happy to have you join us. I for one would rather you come and be in a crappy mood with us, than be alone or end up on another ledge. Especially if you bring that bottle you have clutched in your hands." He added with a laugh. "Besides, you aren't the only one who misses Han you know."

Sighing deeply, she paused before trying to deflect his offer. "Wedge, I am sure you are just trying to be polite, but I doubt the others would want me there."

"Princess, we all love you. There isn't a single Rogue who wouldn't want you to come and hang out with us. You have always been invited to our parties. Did you think it was always Luke or Han randomly asking you to come with them to each event? We sent the invites through them all the time. We were worried because of your position you couldn't be seen accepting invites directly from us, but we always wanted you to join us."

"Wedge…"

"Please?" He implored her.

"Who else will be there?" She grumbled knowing she was starting to lose the debate and hating that she was too buzzed to think her way out of it.

"Celchu and Janson, everyone else is on duty tonight. And I could sure use your help making Janson lose a few rounds. He's been cleaning everyone out lately, it's time his winning streak ended."

Leia looked at Wedge confused. "Why would he lose if I was there?"

Wedge shrugged his shoulders lightly. "Because he gets nervous around you. He is always worried that he is going to say something that'll get him in trouble."

"I don't get it. Janson is the biggest prankster out of all of you. Since when does he care if he gets in trouble?"

"Oh he doesn't care if he gets in trouble from the leadership, he cares if he gets in trouble with you. That's why it's so perfect. Come on, help us out!"

"You can't have my bottle," Leia countered.

"Why not! That's 30-year-old Corellian whiskey. I've been trying to get a drink of that for years."

"I know," Leia asserted. "Han says he keeps it hidden from you specifically."

"Fine, you can keep your bottle, just come hang out with us tonight." Wedge requested again.

"I'll think about it on two conditions." Leia finally stated after being quiet for several seconds.

"Name them."

"I want you to ask everyone without them knowing I am there if they are okay with me joining, if they don't want me there I will just go back to my quarters."

"Your Highness, I already told you…"

"And two," she started in ignoring him completely. "I don't want anyone there to call me Princess or Your Highness."

"Okay..," Wedge said confused. "How would you like us to address you?"

"I want you to call me Leia. I am sick and tired of people only seeing me as my title."

"I think I can agree with that. I have to return the skimmer before we can go. Let me go park it real fast. I'll walk back and we can head over there together. Wait for me here?" He inquired hopefully.

"Fine! But I'm not going to be any fun." She couldn't help but bite back at him, annoyed both at him and at herself for getting talked into going.

"Princ… Leia, it will be fine. Just give me a minute and I'll be right back." Wedge pointing to a stack of crates where she could easily sit and wait for him before helping her step down off the skimmer. He couldn't help but notice how unsteady she was on her feet. He wondered when she had eaten last. He decided to comm Luke and have him bring more than their normal snacks tonight, he hadn't eaten a real dinner either –worked out well for both of them. When he had seen that she had made it safely to the crates to sit, he gave a small salute before speeding off to return the skimmer.

Leia kicked her heels into the box she was sitting on. So much for being one of the best debaters in the Senate. She couldn't even talk her way out of an invite to a stupid card game. She didn't want to have to continue to put on her front anymore tonight. She was tired of playing the Princess role. She doubted just having the Rogues call her 'Leia' would change anything. She still couldn't be herself, not really. They would still judge her if she wasn't her perfect 'image'.

She longed to be the person Han had coaxed out of her. The person for that for those 20 minutes or so had said fuck it and put the dress on and walked around the ship without care. She wished she could just be that Leia all the time.

While she was sure to her face the Rogues would ask her to stay, she was worried that she might overhear something she didn't want to. What if they did say they didn't want her around? That she would only wreck their fun night? She wasn't sure she could bear to hear that tonight after everything else. She just wanted to go back to her room and crawl into bed – not that she would get any sleep.

She was used to not sleeping since the Death Star, but during her trip to Bespin, she had gotten the best sleep she had in years. She was sure Han had had a lot to do with that. Unfortunately, since returning to Home One she hadn't gotten a single good night's sleep. Sighing forcefully, she resigned herself to wait for Wedge to return. If she left, he would only come looking for her and drag her to their game anyway. Or worse yet, send all the Rogues out looking for her.

It felt weird to have someone fussing over her that wasn't Luke or Chewie. It made her miss Han even more. That was his job. Not Wedge's, not Luke's, and not Chewie's. Han's. She knew everyone was just trying to help but it only made her feel worse. She started to open the bottle to have another drink when she heard Wedge returning.

"All set, Leia?" Wedge called out as he walked up to her.

"I think this is a mistake," she groaned.

"Well, it isn't your first mistake of the night. Likely won't be your last." Wedge quipped.

Leia looked at him completely shocked. No one talked to her like that. No one joked about her making mistakes. Except for Han of course. "Are you trying to piss me off?"

"If it makes you feel better, I am more than happy to tease you," Wedge smirked. "Come on, let's get going. I comm'ed Luke and asked him to bring some real food."

Leia immediately shrank in her set, completely devastated. "You weren't supposed to let people know I was coming. Damn it, Wedge I asked two things of you!"

"Woah, Leia! Do you always jump to conclusions this fast or is it just because you're drunk?"

"I'm not jumping to anything! You just said you called Luke!" She shouted at him.

"Yes, and I asked him to bring real food. I didn't tell him you were coming, Leia." Wedged paused to catch her eye. "Look, I get you must be used to people lying to you in politics, but I'm not like that, the Rogues aren't like that. We might tease you a bit, but we are never going to lie to you. Okay?"

"I told you I was in a crappy mood," answering him barely above a whisper.

"And I told you I didn't care. We should get going, apparently, they have relocated, it looks like you get to have another view."

"View?" She questioned confused.

"Seems Luke was able to get us into one of the upper-level negotiation rooms. It comes with a mini kitchen, lounge, and giant window. This view is of actual Space though and not just the hangar bay. You're moving up in the world if you ask me."

"Very funny." She groaned moving to stand but swaying greatly as she did so, instantly sitting back down.

Wedge held out his arm, watching her raise an eyebrow at his gesture. "The last thing I want is to see is that 30-year-old bottle of fine booze lost to the floor. It was either offer to carry the bottle or steady you. Since I know you don't trust me with the bottle I figured you would at least take my arm. Think of the safety of the whiskey, won't you?"

Leia couldn't help but laugh. "I suppose if it's for the good of the whiskey."

"Wonderful," He said as he linked his arm with hers helping her to stand. They were only a few minutes' walk from the room but Wedge couldn't help notice several people they walked past seemed to stare at Leia. He knew she never dressed up unless they were on a mission but unlike his, these people's faces fell somewhere between seeing a ghost and pure disappointment when they saw her dress, one person even looked completely disgusted with her. He was about to ask what was going on when they finally reached the room.

"I don't suppose you will just come in with me, will you? No one is going to say they don't want you here, Leia. I promise you are only going to feel embarrassed that you stood waiting in the doorway for me to ask everyone."

"Wedge, I am over feeling embarrassed today. You saw all the people stare at me on the walk over here. You really believe I care what people think of me at the moment? Will you please just ask them?"

"Yeah I noticed that. What was that all about anyway?" He asked.

"Don't worry, I am sure it will be a group conversation later." She answered. "Now go."

He looked expectantly at her making sure she knew he would want a better answer by the end of the night. He guided her to lean against the wall and then turned to trigger the doors but didn't move to enter the room.

"Wedge!" Luke and Tycho Celchu called out almost immediately.

"It's about time. Are you ready to have your ass handed to you? My pockets are starting to run a bit dry, Antilles!" Wes Janson added in.

"Hey, guys!" Wedge greeted everyone still remaining in the doorway.

"Are you going to stand there all night or are you going to come in so I can take all your credits?" Wes joked to him.

"I have a question for everyone. I was thinking of inviting someone to our game and wanted to get your honest opinions before I had them come."

"If it's Datch we've already tried to teach that man to play!" Wes yelled in disgust.

"Over and over again, he's just not capable!" Tycho joked while pouring a drink.

"No, I am pretty sure this person will be able to pick up Sabacc." Wedge said smiling.

"Who are you thinking of inviting, Antilles? Do you have a new piece of ass you're trying to impress?"

"Janson, when was the last time your mouth got you smacked in the head?" Wedge answered him trying to cover his smirk.

Wes started laughing proudly. "I don't know, it's been a while. Are you offering to do it yourself?"

"No, but I am betting by the end of the night Leia will have smacked you at least five times."

"Leia who?" Wes asked reaching to take a drink of his beer.

"Does this ship have more than one Leia on board? Leia Organa, you idiot."

Wes choked on the sip he was currently taking, spitting his beer out while the others in the room started to laugh. "The Princess? You want to invite the Princess?!"

"Yep." Wedge said laughing enjoying how nervous Janson had immediately become.

"She wouldn't want to join us." Wes stammered.

"But say she did want to join us, except she happened to be a little drunk and in a bad mood, would anyone care?"

"Wait, why would the Princess be drunk and in a bad mood?" Wes asked puzzled.

"Oh, I don't know Janson, maybe because she just lost the man she's been pretending to NOT be in madly in love with for the last 3 years?" Tycho chimed in hurling a handful of snacks towards him.

"No shit. I'm just wondering why in this scenario you would know she's drunk and in a bad mood. I mean unless you already talked to her." Wes said looking back towards Wedge.

"I have." Wedge grinned.

"Why the hell didn't you just bring her with you then?" Tycho asked annoyed. "You know none of us would care."

Wedge instantly smiled. "Well, it seems Leia is concerned that her being in a bad mood would get in the way of us enjoying our night and she didn't want to participate unless she knew everyone was okay with it."

"You know Wedge, I don't think I have ever heard you use just Leia's first name before," Luke noted intrigued.

"Ahh yes, that was her other request. If everyone is okay with her being here tonight, bad mood and all, she is requesting that everyone uses her name and not her titles."

"Wedge, is Leia okay?" Luke asked getting concerned. "Maybe I should go talk to her."

"Luke, it sounds like she had a bad meeting with leadership, which led to some choices, and now we are here. So what's everyone's vote?"

"Of course you know Chewie, Lando, and I are fine with it," Luke said immediately.

"The Princess is always welcome. Drunk or sober, good mood or bad." Tycho added while passing Luke a drink.

"It's fine with me. Chewie wouldn't spill any information about what happened on the way to Bespin. Maybe we'll finally get to clear up one of our longest-standing bets!" Janson snickered.

"That'll be reason number one." Wedge said grinning.

"Reason number one for what?" Wes asked.

"Why she'll hit you in the head." Causing everyone else in the room to laugh again.

"Nah, I swear, I'll be subtle," Wes assured the room before taking another drink. "Trust me. She'll have no idea."

"Right, you think she'll have no idea you are trying to find out if she finally had sex with Han? She'd have to be completely trashed to miss that."

"Oh shove it Celchu. I bet you a hundred credits right now I can get her to answer the question and never see it coming."

"Deal!" Tycho said smiling.

"I'll go talk to Leia. I'll be able to get her to join us." Luke said starting to walk towards the door.

"Oh, don't trouble yourself. Did I forget to mention? I already had her with me."

"Antilles!" Wes shouted immediately. "That means she heard everything I just said!"

"Hence why she is going to hit you."

"And I just won myself 100 credits!" Tycho gushed happily.

Wedge turned to Leia reaching out his arm to help her off the wall. "See I told you."

"I can hit you too you know." Leia wearily replied as she moved to link her arm with his. "I still think I should have gone back to my quarters."

"Too late for that, they'll never let you leave now." Wedge said smiling as he walked her into the room.

"You could have told us she was standing there, Antilles!" Wes fretted turning 5 shades of red.

"She wanted to know you all really didn't mind her being here and weren't saying yes to be polite. It was the best way I could think to do that."

The Rogues had moved to greet Leia as she walked in but they all took one look at her and were stunned to silence. They were not expecting to see her in that dress, clutching a bottle of booze, looking like she wanted to cry, and clearly buzzed as hell.

"Leia, why would you think we wouldn't want you here?" Luke asked immediately as if he didn't seem surprised to see her looking as upset she did.

"Oh Luke, it's not like that." Leia started in as Wedge helped her walk to a chair to sit. "I already bit Wedge's head off tonight. I didn't want to ruin everyone else's night as well."

"Your Highness, you could never ruin our night."

"Celchu!" Wedge yelled at him. "No titles."

"I'm sorry! I promise I will try. But this will be easier for the rest of you. She's not your monarch!" Tycho whined.

"Would it help if I threatened to behead you if you disobeyed my command?" Leia asked blankly.

"We are a non-violent people," Tycho said shocked by her response.

"I'd make an exception tonight." Leia mocked before shaking her head lightly. She looked at Tycho and pursed her lips. "This is why I shouldn't be here."

"Leia, what happened?" Luke broke in.

"What do you mean?" She asked innocently.

"Why are you drunk and in a bad mood?"

"What? Tycho's answer earlier wasn't simple enough for you?" Leia said harshly, earning her silence from everyone in the room except Luke.

"You being drunk and in a bad mood because you miss Han makes perfect sense, but it doesn't explain why today. You've gone out of your way to make sure that no one…" Luke suddenly stopped talking. He wasn't sure how much she wanted the Rogues to know about her relationship with Han since she had been working so hard for months to hide it. He figured it was better to be safe than sorry. "Well, you know. What happened today?"

Before she could answer the door behind them opened. She could hear Chewie's footfalls immediately.

"Hello, Rogues! Are you ready to donate all your credits to me?" Lando's voice rang out as Chewie bellowed a hearty hello behind him.

"Well, I didn't know we were going to have such a lovely visitor tonight!" Lando beamed as he saw Leia sitting at the table.

_"__Little Princess!" _Chewie called out excitedly before noticing how upset she looked. _"What's wrong?!"_

"Chewie nothing is wrong." Leia slid slightly down in her chair.

_"Yes, there is. You are drunk and you've been crying. Tell me who I need to hurt."_

"Chewie."

_"__NO! You will tell me now!" _Chewie bellowed loudly pounding his fist into the table.

"No one needs to be hurt." Leia snapped before turning to Wedge. "See I should have gone back to my quarters."

"Official orders everyone! We are here to eat, drink, and play some Sabacc." Wedge stated. "Leia is to be called Leia, Janson will need medical attention by morning, and sadly no one gets to touch the bottle of 30-year-old Corellian whiskey Leia is holding, even though I haven't gotten to enjoy that particular maker in more than 5 years."

"Why does no one get the good whiskey?" Wes complained.

"Apparently, Han was smart enough to inform Leia at some point of how long we have been trying to get a hold of that bottle, so her plan is to laud it over us while she enjoys it all to herself."

"That son of a Bantha…" Wes started in before he could think better of it. "That'll be reason number two won't it," glancing over at Leia.

"Oh no that would be reason number three Wes, but only because that was such a lousy insult. I'll give you some time to work on some better ones." Greatly enjoying the look of distress on his face. "Look if you want to make fun of Han that's fine, but you will need to up your game if you think I haven't said much better insults to him already."

"Great, now that we know we can still mock Han for his many, many faults, let's get this game started," Lando smirked as he started to shuffle the deck.

"Leia, we'll teach you as we go along," Luke offered sitting down next to her.

"The rules are very simple, there are positive cards and negative cards, the goal is to get to zero or closer than the others in the room, there are two Sylop cards that equal zero. They are like gold. If you get one of those keep it. Pairs and runs are best. That's about it, we can show you the point values for winning as we go." Tycho said as he sat down across from her.

Leia could see Chewie start to make a comment but she quickly distracted him with a wave of her hand. "Aren't there supposed to be some kind of dice in this game?" She grumbled.

"Oh, we no longer play with dice. It seems one of us in this room can't be trusted." Tycho joked.

"That is not true!" Luke immediately shrieked.

"What happened?" Leia couldn't help but ask.

"Oh, he cheated." Wedge answered for him.

"I did not cheat!"

"He used his magical Jedi powers to cheat and changed the roll of the dice. Winning him not only the largest pot of the night but of the entire Rogue squadron history." Wedge continued on.

"Luke!" Leia said shocked.

"I didn't cheat! The dice rolled that way on their own."

"Yeah, and then after they stopped rolling that way on their own, one of them rolled again," Wes chimed in, slapping Luke on his back.

"I didn't cheat! They are just all sore losers."

"Right…" Wedge joked.

"Can we just please just start playing?" Luke asked clearly trying to change the topic.

"As soon as we all have food and drinks in front of us, yes." Wedge said as he walked over to pour himself a drink. "Leia what can I get you to eat?"

"I'm really not that hungry, but I'll take a glass. I am tired of drinking from the bottle."

"Leia, if I were to ask you when you ate last, would you be honest or would you lie to me?" Wedge questioned.

"Excuse me?!" Her head shot up shocked.  
"Look I know Han was always getting you to eat before and it's clear you don't have much in your system right now, otherwise I am sure you would be a lot more steady on your feet. So how about you just eat something for dinner?"

"I really fucking hate Corellians."

"Nah, you just hate that we care about you."

"You know Wedge, I am not sure I like this version of you." Leia sat back in her chair pouting.

"Good, that must mean I am doing something right."

After they had all gotten food and drinks situated in front of them, Lando dealt out the first hand. Leia thought it was amusing that the Rogues were so worried about Luke cheating but had no idea about Lando's past talents for sleight of hand and palming cards. She tried to pay attention to Lando but found she didn't particularly care if he was cheating. Let him. She didn't care if she won or lost anyway. She didn't want to be here or at least she felt like she shouldn't want to be here.

She was surprised that every time she snapped at someone they just seemed to ignore it or make a joke about it. In fact, they only seemed to care when she tried to apologize for it and would reminded her it was fine.

She hated that she was starting to enjoy herself. She didn't want to feel good. She didn't want to have a good time. While she knew Han wouldn't want her to be alone and unhappy she still felt guilty for doing it. But, after her shitty day, maybe it was okay to give herself permission to enjoy tonight a little bit.

It was definitely amusing to have everyone so very eager to teach her how to play Sabacc round after round. There were points they would offer advice and she had to stop herself from snorting out loud. She finally had to stop looking at Chewie because he was going to make her start hysterically laughing. And it was amusing to watch them all get drunk and bicker with each other.

They even let her 'win' a few of the first rounds to make her 'feel' like she was getting the hang of it, folding on hands they would have won. They had been very correct when they had said it was an easy game to pick up. Without the danger of the dice involved it was even less stressful. Chewie was enjoying the joke as well. One simple question would have cleared everything up but evidently, they hadn't thought to ask and she wasn't about to tell them.

She had folded early on in the current hand after getting piss poor cards from the start. Everyone got instantly worried she was getting upset and didn't want to play anymore. She had to convince them she didn't like her cards, which was the truth. Why continue to bluff when you have nothing to play with and others clearly did? Just a waste of good credits.

While Wedge and Luke were battling it out over the current pot she decided to go grab another plate of food. Wedge had been right, she hadn't eaten in more than a day and a half. She was starting to feel a lot better with food in her system. That was something else she needed to work on improving before Han got back.

She stood up and walked over to grab a new plate but didn't miss Wedge joking about her ability to walk a straight line again as he played his hand, finally beating Luke's, causing Luke to curse in disgust.

"Are you suggesting that's a good thing or would you like me to drink more to make up for it?" She wondered ignoring Luke continuing to pout at his loss.

"Whatever makes you happy, Leia. We can carry you back to your quarters tonight if you want to get completely smashed and finish off that bottle. All up to you." Wedge chuckled.

"I'm not sure I would be alive by morning if I were to finish the bottle."

"Nah your right, you would pass out long before you could finish the bottle." Wedge admitted.

"Ahhh, but that would leave the bottle unattended and vulnerable," Leia stressed, feigning concern.

"Why, yes it would. So you should really have another drink, or ten." Wes suggested seriously, reaching over to shake her empty glass.

"I see what your true motives are," Leia laughed walking back to the table as Lando started to deal a new hand.

"I have to say, we never get to see you in regular clothes nearly enough, Leia. You really should wear dresses like this all the time." Wes insisted as she sat back down.

"Thank you. I have a feeling that may happen more often."

"Good because you look beautiful." Wes winked at her.

Affronted she looked over at him. "Are you suggesting I don't normally look nice, Wes?"

"No! Gods no, that's not what I meant at all. It's just you are so much more… lighter like this. So less formal without all that white." Wes quickly stuttered.

Leia couldn't help but snort a little. "Yes well, sometimes there is no longer a need for the formalities of certain styles."

"Then your dress choice tonight was a statement," Tycho said. He had been wondering about it since she first walked in but hadn't been about to ask her unless she brought it up. "Leadership must have really pissed you off."

Leia turned to meet his gaze, her jaw tightening sharply before reaching to refill her glass and to take another drink.

"I don't get it. What does your dress have to do with anything?" Luke asked confused.

"You want to tell them, Tycho?" Leia challenged setting down her cards.

"No!" Tycho immediately answered looking embarrassed.

"You understand, if I answer there may be a debate over an earlier bet and you might end up losing it." She cautioned. "I'd imagine you would hate for that to happen."

"You really want to me explain why the dress matters?" Tycho hesitated, clearly worried.

Leia leaned back in her chair taking another drink. "It's not a royal command, Tycho. You don't have to. Though, I would imagine the rest of the Rogues will hound you until you tell them." She said, baiting him.

She wasn't sure why she wanted them to know. She had hoped initially that Wedge would forget about his earlier question and she wouldn't have to explain. But for some reason at this moment, it just felt right. Maybe she wanted to know what they thought of her. If they thought any different about her. Or maybe it was to see it the thought any less of her.

"Come on Tycho, it's got to be an Alderaan thing, right? You gotta tell us!" Wedge join in.

"It means that…umm…You see, Leia is saying that…err…" Tycho stopped to try to figure out how to explain the custom to others, without embarrassing himself or the Princess. "Okay so on Alderaan women of certain status levels wear white as a symbol once they reach a certain age."

"That must be boring," Lando chimed in.

"Tell me about it," Leia affirmed.

"So what does it mean when they don't wear white?" Luke inquired.

Tycho risked a glance over towards Leia again before downing his drink completely. "Generally, there are only 3 reasons I know of when they don't wear white. A special event or important reason calls for it, that's why no one has ever cared when Leia has worn colors while on missions."

"What are the other two?" Lando's voice raised lightly at the end to form the question, as he tried to cover his smile. He had been there for Han's reaction when Leia picked out clothing on Cloud City. He was well aware of what it meant.

"Well for most women it's after they get married. But some, they choose to stop wearing white before they get married, it normally isn't looked well upon."

"I don't get it," Wes said.

Tycho looked to Leia for help but she only shrugged her shoulders.

"Why would it matter if women stopped wearing white?" Luke asked. "That seems a bit controlling for Alderaan standers."

"Yeah, weren't they known for their tolerance and equality? Forcing women to wear white and punishing when they don't want to, doesn't seem very kind." Wedge joined in.

Tycho let out a loud groan before finally breaking. "Oh for fuck's sake. Sex. It means they've had sex. By not being married and not wearing white they are advertising they are having sex out of marriage. It is looked down on because they are seen as not as likely to marry into a higher status. Which is complete Bantha crap if you ask me."

The room slowly shifted its gaze from Tycho to Leia. Luke of course had known Leia and Han were a couple, although he hadn't known for sure they had slept together. He also had no idea that's why she always wore white. He couldn't stop himself from blushing lightly. Wedge and Wes immediately broke into smiles.

"Took you two long enough," Wes stated. "Now about my bet…"

"The bet was that I would answer your question, Wes. I didn't do that. You still owe Tycho the 100 credits." Leia said nonchalantly.

"_What did leadership say to you?_" Chewie fumed angrily. He knew whatever had been said, it had to have been bad enough for her to not only get drunk in public but to announce to the galaxy that she had slept with Han. Something that he knew good and well she viewed as extremely private.

"It doesn't matter Chewie. Just chalk it up to being another never-ending meeting from hell."

"_It sure as hell does matter if it was bad enough to get you to announce to the entire Alliance you started having sex with Han!"_ Chewie roared.

"Chewie!" Leia snapped at him.

"_What! Clearly, it isn't a secret anymore. What did they say to you?! Do I need to go find Rieekan right now?"_ Chewie said standing.

"Chewie, sit your big furry self back down. Rieekan didn't have anything to do with it."

"Course not. He likes Han. Who was it? Mon Mothma or McQuarrie?" Luke asked

"Can we please not do this?" Leia implored.

"If it's necessary to go down there and demand some answers from leadership, you need to let us know." Tycho chimed in.

"Oh really. You all are just going to march down to their offices and 'demand' some answers?" She said rolling her eyes.

"Yes!" They all answered in unison.

"You can't do that."

"Yes, we can!" Wes bitterly spat out. "We can do it right now too!"

Taking one look at them she saw how serious they were. She didn't want them getting in trouble simply because she didn't like how leadership had treated her today. "Okay, Okay." She pleaded, holding her hands up. "I know you can, but you really can't. You'll only get yourselves in trouble, it's not worth it."

"Why don't you let us decide what is worth it, Leia? What happened at the meeting?" Luke asked again.

Sighing heavily, Leia rubbed her hands over her face defeated. "If I tell you, will you all promise me that you will not go and cause trouble with Leadership? They are just being… Them. They don't know a different way to be. You going and getting yourselves in trouble, on top of causing more issues for me, won't make anything better."

"_I will make no such promises_," Chewie grumbled.

"Chewie," Lando stated harshly. "We promise, Leia. We might bitch about it, but we won't do anything that will make your life more difficult. I can't promise that Han won't go ballistic when he gets back though."

"Fine," Leia said as she sat forward in her chair grumbling, resting her elbows on the table. She didn't want to talk about the meeting. She wasn't going to be able to tell them without remembering a large part of it. She should have gone back to her quarters.

She saw them raise their eyebrows, waiting for her to recount the meeting to them. She crossed her arms slowly closing her eyes. She knew they weren't going to sit silently in their seats when she was done and she was willing to put good money on Chewie immediately leaving to rip McQuarrie limb from limb. Not that McQuarrie wouldn't deserve it.

She would only feel bad if Chewie got himself banned from the Alliance. It wouldn't much matter, she would just go with him if that happened. Fuck it.

"Like I said it had started off as a run of the mill, never-ending meeting."

_The Clock wasn't moving. She had become convinced of that. It just wasn't moving. Maybe someone hacked into the ship's systems and made the clock in the room not move. That was a Han style prank if she had ever seen one. If only it could be one of his pranks. Glaring at the clock she wondered if she could make it move quicker by sheer will power. _

_McQuarrie was never one to let them leave early from one of his meetings. Ever. He liked controlling the room or at least trying to pretend he did. Leia couldn't understand why Mon Mothma let him get away with it. They weren't talking about a single thing that mattered. It was the same things from the day before, and the day before that. _

_Pointless._

_Maybe it was a Han prank. Sometimes his pranks went unnoticed for a while. He had even set up a few to start weeks after he had put them in motion. _

_This meeting was getting a lot more palatable the more she thought about Han being a part of it._

_It helped for nearly every meeting she went to lately. Food supply update; Han cooking. Troop report; Han talking about Chewie. Overheating issues on deck 9, section 12; Han naked._

_The problem had become she was starting to hate meetings because all she did was think of Han. And if she thought of Han, she thought about how much she missed him. She had never known it was possible to miss someone so much. At least, not in the way she missed Han._

_She missed him fretting after her. She missed him fighting with her. Missed him kissing her. She missed waking up in his arms every morning with his low gravelly voice wish her good morning. _

_She missed sex. Before she never could understand why people would complain about being apart from their partner. Winter used to always whine the 'dreaded dry spells' and Leia would just roll her eyes. _

_Now she understood. _

_She found herself constantly waking up, her body tangled in her sheets, damp with sweat. She was terrified she was going to wake someone up screaming Han's name. The worst part was she was never getting any release. _

_She was always begging him in her dreams. All the things he used to try to get her to say before that she would demurely decline, would fall from her lips with such ease it would be likely to make Han himself blush he if could hear them now. _

_Leia regretted that she wouldn't allow herself to give up that level of control. She had been too embarrassed at the time, to concerned about sounding foolish. _

_'__Princesses' don't beg!' Leia had snapped at him one night on the way to Bespin when he wouldn't stop suggesting it was okay for her to be more vocal. For Han, he didn't understand. She talked all the time, about everything else, why should sex be any different. They both knew it was more than that and Han had smartly decided to let to go for the night. Goddess how she wished she had tried now._

_She hadn't even been able to get herself off lately. Every touch of her hand just made her feel like she was cheating on Han. She knew how stupid it sounded but that didn't change how it felt. Her hands were not his. No one else's hands would ever be his._

_Han had changed her and there was no coming back from that._

_If he were here right now she would be tempted to slap him for turning her into some kind of crazed, love-starved version of herself. The sad thing was he would only enjoy her like this. That made her want to slap him even harder. _

_She risked a glance up to the clock again and found that only a minute had passed. She didn't know how that was possible. Five minutes easily should have already gone by. This had to be a prank. _

_Or Hell. _

_Either way, it didn't much matter. She was trapped until Mon Mothma or McQuarrie let them go. _

_She wondered if Rieekan was bored as she was. He must think of something to keep his mind from breaking down from atrophy in these meetings. Frowning she realized how sad it must be for him to not have his wife anymore. She knew he had no desire to be with anyone new ever again. Was that going to be her future? 22-years-old and alone for the rest of her life?_

_She heard a noise but ignored it. What did it matter? Unless it was someone saying the meeting was over it wasn't anything of substance. She had to fight the urge to lean back in her chair and try to sleep. _

_She almost hadn't come to this meeting because she was so tired. She had thought about calling out so she could go back to her quarters and sleep…and not be here. But what good would that have done? She wouldn't have been able to sleep._

_Her eye darted up to the clock to find only another minute had gone by. She cursed under her breath. She had to get out of this meeting._

_"__Pardon me, Your Highness?" McQuarrie looked at her annoyed._

_"__Sorry?" Leia said immediately sitting upright surprised by his question._

_"__Did you say something?" He pressed._

_"__No," she answered quickly. "I didn't say anything."_

_"__I see. I must have been hearing things." McQuarrie said displeased._

_"__Could be," she answered before she realized she hadn't really listened to his statement before she replying. She immediately started to turn red. "Sir, I am so sorry. I seem to have not been paying close attention to your statement before I answered. Please accept my apology."_

_"It seems you have a lot of issues paying attention lately, Your Highness," McQuarrie said crossly._

_"I've…what?" Leia asked surprised. It wasn't like McQuarrie to publicly shame people. In private, sure. But in front of Rieekan and Mon Mothma? That was a new one for her._

_"__Princess Leia, we have been getting reports of you being late for your shifts, leaving early, and not paying attention when you are there. You have been extremely distracted and in the last few days there have been serious concerns with your overall demeanor."_

_"__My demeanor?" She asked trying not to show how confused she was with where this was going._

_"__Your attitude lately has not been appropriate for a member of leadership."_

_"__McQuarrie!" Rieekan said sharply. "That is uncalled for."_

_"__I don't think it is. It is past time we had this conversation." McQuarrie replied setting his pad down on the table._

_"__What conversation is that?" Leia asked trying to keep her cool._

_"__We are not, unsympathetic, to what you have recently gone through. We understand that Captain Solo was your friend, but you simply cannot continue to let your emotions over his loss affect your work."_

_"__My emotions?" Leia repeated dumbfounded._

_"__Yes. While I suppose Captain Solo was helpful to us from time to time, he was also extremely distracting to you. Now that he is gone, it appears that has only intensified. If I may be so forward, it seems you care more about the loss of a ship captain than you ever did about your own home planet. It's time you came to your senses."_

_"My senses," Leia echoed numbly as the reminder of Alderaan flashed through her mind. Thoughts of her family and friends started to gather and she had to keep tears from falling from her eyes. How dare he! How dare he use the memory of them to try to hurt her._

_"__Solo put your life in danger. He never should have taken you on his broken ship. It put you at great risk, Your Highness." McQuarrie continued._

_"__If Han hadn't gotten me off Hoth, I would have been taken by Vader." She said resentfully, her walls firmly locking back into place. She couldn't think about home right now._

_"__You were taken by Vader, Your Highness."_

_"__To which I escaped, for the second time. Tell me McQuarrie, when was the last time you managed to escape directly from Vader?" Leia's voice said shaking, her blood starting to boil._

_"__I've never put myself in a position where I've needed to escape, Your Highness."_

_"__Right. Can never be too careful, can you? I'll make a note to myself to never send you plans for how to destroy the Empire. You would be too petrified to pick them up."_

_"__Your father would be ashamed of your tone, Princess," McQuarrie said sharply._

_"That is enough, McQuarrie. The Princess has done nothing wrong. Solo has been a major asset to our rebellion. He is not 'gone'. There are still plans in place to try to find him and bring him back." Rieekan stated quickly. "I recall you only meeting the Viceroy a handful of times, McQuarrie. I doubt you knew him well enough to know what he would or wouldn't be ashamed of, but I can promise you, it wouldn't be the Princess."_

_"__McQuarrie, while you do bring up some interesting points, you are coming dangerously close to a line. I suggest that you stop." Mon Mothma said coldly._

_"__Mon Mothma, you know as well as I do that she has not been herself lately. Something needs to change. Our ranks cannot continue to see her moping around after some space pirate!" _

_"__McQuarrie, need I remind you that without Solo, the Princess wouldn't even be here with us right now? That we would all be dead as well?" Rieekan yelled at him._

_"__No, you needn't. But let's face it, Solo had served his purpose and was only getting precariously close to damaging the Princess's reputation. It's bad enough the rumors that always ran around about the two of them. I'd say we are lucky we got them separated before we had to worry about him sullying her."_

_"__McQuarrie, that is quite enough. It is not appropriate for you to speak about the Princess that way." Mon Mothma immediately called out, her hand smacking the table. _

_Leia could barely even hear Mon Mothma speaking. He'd sully her? Was that still her only value to them as a pawn to sell off into marriage? Did leadership not care about her abilities, her actions, her drive, anything except her supposed virginity and marketability? _

_After all this time Han had been completely right about leadership. Some of them didn't care about her best interests. They cared about how they could use her to better their own._

_She felt ill and had to hold back the feeling of wanted to vomit. McQuarrie made her feel dirty, not because of her actions but because of his. She wanted to get back to her quarters and take a long burning hot shower to scrub his scuzziness off on her._

_"__Clearly this meeting is no longer functioning the way it was meant to. I would suggest that everyone take a breather and McQuarrie, tomorrow I expect you to apologize to the Princess." Mon Mothma stated putting an end to the meeting. McQuarrie started to make a retort but Mon Mothma quickly dismissed it with a wave of her hand silencing him. _

_He turned and stormed out of the room not saying a word._

_"__Your Highness, I want to apologize for McQuarrie and want to assure you his actions will not be tolerated. He should not have addressed our concerns the way he did." Mon Mothma said._

_"__Our concerns?" Rieekan questioned._

_"__General Rieekan, it has been noted that the Princess has indeed been distracted and not performing her duties to the best of her abilities. Her pubic image is vitality important to our cause. People are concerned that if the enlisted members continue to see her "moping" as McQuarrie put it, that they might start to lose hope. We must be mindful of her strong effect on others and address it accordingly."_

_"__If we are done here I am going to go back to my quarters. I would hate for people to see me continue to mope." Leia said moving to rise._

_"__Your Highness please understand; I do not share McQuarrie's harsh views of Han. I understand how hard losing him must be on you, but it has been 5 months. Maybe it is time you accept that he will not be returning. I have no doubt he was a good friend to you and to many others such as Commander Skywalker. But our ranks form friendships with those they serve. What are they to think if they constantly watch one of their highest ranking members not willing to move on after the loss of a single friend? They then won't want to form friendships, which will lead to less trust, and worse battle outcomes."_

_"__Are you implying that by missing a friend, I will singlehandedly cause us to lose the war?" Leia cringed, staring at Mon Mothma._

_"__No Your Highness, I am simply trying to help you to see that your actions don't just impact you." Mon Mothma noted gently._

_"Of that, I am very aware. If you would excuse me, I have some work I would like to catch up on before I turn in." _

_"__Leia," Rieekan started but could see by the look in her eyes she couldn't stay in the room any longer. "That is okay, I will come to talk with you later." _

_Leia left the room at a near run. If they thought that her moping over a friend was causing issues, she needed to find a way to ensure there was no question that Han was far more to her than that. She couldn't go yelling it around the ship and she didn't exactly have a shirt that said 'I fucked Han Solo' laying around. She slid to a stop mid-stride. She might not have a shirt but she sure as hell had a dress._

"So I went back to my quarters changed into this and walked around the ship for a while," Leia said finally looking around the room. "It was completely imprudent of me but I didn't care."

"McQuarrie is a fucking asshole. Han has done more for this Alliance than he ever will." Wes yelled out.

"Leia, I am so sorry. I have not heard a single person complaining about your 'demeanor'." Luke said setting his hand on her shoulder.

"How did you end up on the ledge then?" Wedge asked perplexed.

"_What ledge!"_ Chewie bellowed concerned.

"Wedge… You make it sound like I was going to jump off the thing." Leia snapped.

"You did nearly fall off it." Wedge jested lightly.

"Do I need to hit you?" She asked grumpily.

"If you were proudly walking around the ship to stick it to leadership that Han was more than just a friend, why did you hide away?" Wedge questioned again.

"It wasn't my goal. I had been enjoying walking around, but then I thought about how much Han would have loved the fact that I had picked to wear this dress as a way to announce our relationship and he would have wanted to find a way to get in on it too."

"Han would not look quite as nice in that dress as you do," Tycho said laughing.

"No, but I could see him thinking it would have been hysterical to dress up in an all-white outfit and walk around with me."

"Holy crap! I could see him doing that. I bet he could fit into the white dress we first met you in." Luke snorted.

"You started crying…" Wedge replied simply.

Leia turned to look at him harshly, sighing knowing there wasn't much point to being upset. He had seen her and looking around the room at the other Rogues she could tell they weren't going to judge her for it.

"Yes," she sighed deeply. "I didn't want anyone to see me so I ducked down the first hall I saw."

"Maybe next time, don't pick the hangar bay doors?" Wedge ordered.

"You were on the ledge above the hangar bay doors? Leia, that's off-limits!" Luke lamented.

"There aren't any signs posted." She griped.

"Yes, there are!" Everyone but Lando shouted at her.

"And the access door is always locked! How did you even get it open to get out on the ledge?" Tycho asked shocked.

"I am telling you, there were no signs, and the door wasn't locked. I just palmed it and it opened. I walked out to the middle and sat and enjoyed the view for a while!" Leia said getting annoyed. "It was fine."

"_Until you almost fell!"_ Chewie yelled. "_If I don't keep you safe, Han will never forget me when he gets back, don't you understand that? I can't fail at my duty to him again!"_

Leia immediately felt guilty. She hadn't thought about it in terms that Chewie had failed Han. There was nothing he could have done. "I'm sorry Chewie. I wasn't thinking clearly. I promise no more ledges." She assured him. "You didn't fail Han, you know. None of us did. There wasn't anything more we could have done that day. Not Lando, not Luke, not me, and not you." She took a deep breath steadying her voices before continuing. "If we don't get him back Chewie, it doesn't mean we failed. It means that Vader took him from us, just like he took everyone else from me. I am never going to hold you or Lando responsible. You need to know that."

The room was silent for several moments as they thought about the implications that Han might not come back. None of them like that option.

"Can we get back to playing cards and drinking now?" Leia asked trying to hold it together.

"Wes, I believe you were first up for this hand," Lando said pointing to the cards that had been sitting on the table since Leia had started her story.

"I'm in and raising 20." He said throwing his credits on the pile.

Tycho took another glimpse at his cards before calling. Chewie and Luke followed behind him doing the same. Leia was trying to decide if she was going to raise when she heard the door to the room open. Because it was behind her she couldn't see who it was but Tycho immediately sat up taller.

"Good evening everyone. I am sorry to disrupt your night but I needed to talk with Luke for a moment," Rieekan's voice called out calmly behind her.

Leia tried not to tense as she looked down at her dress. It was ridiculous. She wanted leadership to know she was sleeping with Han. She wanted to rub it in their faces that he wasn't 'just a friend'. That it was already too late and he had sullied her beyond repair. Now placed in the position to have to look the person in the eye who had become like a surrogate father to her while wearing the dress made her want to crawl under the nearest rock and die. She could see the Rogues saw her reaction and watched as they started to smirk at her. Of course they would think it was funny.

"What can I do for you General?" Luke asked.

"I was wondering if you had happened to see Princess Leia at all tonight."

"Why?" Luke asked carefully.

"Well, it's rather..." Rieekan cleared his throat before answering. "Some meetings didn't go so well today and I wanted to check in to see how she was doing. I've gone by her quarters several times but she hasn't been there. I even checked the Falcon. I had hoped maybe you knew where she was."

"Yeah, I've seen her," Luke said trying desperately not to laugh. The fact that Rieekan was standing a handful of meters behind her, yet clearly had no idea it was her, truly showed how much the dress really did matter.

"Do you happen to know where I can find her?" Rieekan asked again. He could see everyone holding back what appeared to be a mixture of smiles, except for Chewie, he looked ready to hit him.

"Are you sure you haven't seen her, General?" Wes snickered.

"Janson, I just got done telling you I haven't. Would someone in this room care to tell me what is so funny? Do I have something on my face?"

"You might in a minute," Wedge joked.

"Look, I really don't have time for games. I am concerned about the Princess. If you can just tell me where to find her, I will get out of your hair so you can return to your drinking and debauchery."

"Forgive me General, but I am not sure you can have it both ways," Tycho added, earning him a laugh from others at the table.

"Do I need to make it an order?" Rieekan snapped. Normally he was fine with the Rogues games but he didn't have the tolerance for it tonight. He wanted to talk to Leia before he went to sleep. He was far from amused when his response only served to make them laugh even harder.

"Is there a way we can tag Rieekan to be 'it' the next time we play hunt and destroy?" Wedge said laughing hysterically.

"Enough! I want to know where the Princess is right now, otherwise I am shutting down your party and putting you all on janitorial duty for the foreseeable future."

"We can take you to her…" Wes said suddenly.

"What?" Lando asked confused.

"Yes, yes we can Janson!" Wedge joined in catching on to the new game. "It might be a bit of a walk. It's in, an around about spot."

"Yay, by the time you're done, you might feel like you walked from one end of the ship to the other and back again," Wes said standing. "She found a really good hiding spot."

"We should get moving since it's so important for you to see her." Wedge said seriously.

Leia groaned. It was tempting to let the Rogues walk Rieekan all over the ship before bringing him back to the room, he should have done more to stop the meeting. But she didn't want to risk him busting Wes and Wedge down in rank for their joke, as funny as it would be.

"Don't listen to them General, unless you want to go on an hour-long hike around the ship to end up right back in this room," Leia said as she turned in her chair to face him for the first time since he entered.

"Oh come on! It only would have been 20 minutes, tops." Wes said chuckling loudly. "I wouldn't want to miss out on that much drinking time."

"Princess?" Rieekan queried trying not to let on how completely shocked he was. He watched as she stood up and he could see her dress completely.

"You have a choice as I see it General. You can leave and go run to Mon Mothma and McQuarrie and tell them that their worst fears have been confirmed." Leia said, her fingernails cutting into her palm to help her voice hold.

"What is my other choice?" He asked warily.

"You can pull up a chair, play a few rounds, have a few drinks, and don't use my title."

"I'm not sure how those are supposed to be choices," Rieekan stated enigmatically.

"General?" Luke stated seriously. "Leia isn't joking."

"I am well aware she isn't, Luke? Are we using first names for everyone?"

"Yes, sir." Tycho answer carefully.

"Well, last I checked my first name wasn't sir, but I will give you a pass this time," Carlist answered sternly not moving.

"Now, where should I sit?" Carlist asked finally breaking into a smile causing the others to relax. "Did you really think I would go run off and tell the others in leadership? Leia, I spent the hour after you left yelling at McQuarrie for what he said to you. He will be apologizing in the morning. If you do not feel like he truly means it, tell him so and demand him does it again the next morning, until he gets it right."

"Carlist, you didn't need to do that," Leia said shocked.

"Yes, I did."

"You can have my seat si...Carlist," Wedge said moving to get up from his spot next to Leia. "I'll grab another chair for the table."

"Thank you, Wedge." Carlist nodded over to Lando and Chewie. By their looks, Leia must have told them about her meeting. He walked over to Leia who was still standing looking down at her hands. She would glance up at him every so often but look right back down. He wanted to laugh because her reaction was so unlike her – but couldn't let her feel any more embarrassed by today's events than she already did.

He waited for her to look up at him before he opened his arms inviting her in for a hug. She nearly fell into him, so surprised by his reaction. He wrapped his arms around her. "I'm assuming they all figured out what the dress means?" Leia nodded into his chest unsure if he would upset by that. As if he could read her mind he stroked her head lightly before saying. "Leia, I want to make something perfectly clear to you. I am nothing except overjoyed that you and Han are finally together. I had no doubt when I told Han you were still in the Command Center that he would get you out safely if you needed it. I'm happy to see I could have a small part in your love story."

"You told Han to get me out?" Leia asked.

"No, Leia. I simply let him know that you were still there. You weren't going to leave on your own. I knew there would be an announcement if something happened to the Command Center, and that when he heard it he would stop at nothing to get you out. That man has been in love with you since he pulled you off the Death Star. It's about time you let him in!" The room started laughing at Carlist last statement.

"Are you saying I won't get a formal lecture about the duties of protecting the monarch purity?"

"I've never believed in that archaic rule, not like my wife and I followed it." He said causing the others in the room to laugh out of surprise. "If Han hurts you, let me know and I will kill him. Other than that I trust you to make your own choices in life Leia. You are not sullied because you choose to have sex with the man you love. You tell Chewie the name of anyone who says otherwise moving forward so he can rip their arms off, okay?"

"Carlist?" She started to ask shaking slightly.

He smiled knowingly. "Your father would have said the same thing."

Smiling she settled deeper into his hug.

"Leia, I hate to break up the touching moment, but..." Wes broke in after a minute.

"But the bet is to me and you want to win because you have really good cards. Yes, I know." Leia said laughing lightly as she pulled away from Carlist to sit back down.

"Who says I have really good cards. I was just tired of beating cheap."

"You say that, but your tell says otherwise," Leia said picking up her cards again.

"I don't have a tell," Wes said instantly.

"Yes, you do. You all do actually. It's been amusing to watch since you clearly haven't figured each other's out. You've been playing together for how many years now?" Leia smirked before decided to call after seeing Wedge look at his cards out of the corner of her eye instead of raising.

"Aren't there supposed to be dice?" Carlist questioned.

"Apparently, Luke cheats so they don't use them," Leia answered wickedly.

"I do not!"

"Uses his Jedi powers for evil." She said laughing pouring herself another drink.

"Is that Corellian Whiskey?" Carlist asked amused to see Leia drinking something so strong.

"Yes, and we aren't allowed any of it because Han is cruel." Wedge answered.

They continued to joke around as people dropped off leaving only Wes and Tycho. Leia could tell they both had good cards but they both weren't sure about them. Tycho ended up out bluffing Wes to win the pot.

They continued on for several more rounds, Carlist winning a vast majority of them. The Rogues couldn't decide if they wanted Carlist to join them for future games or ban him from ever playing with them again.

Even more amusing was that Carlist got into offering advice to Leia on how to play her hand and what bets to make. She let him. What was the harm?

"Okay everyone, do to real-life requirements, this will be our last hand of the night. The winner will not have to clear up, on top of winning the pot." Wedge called out.

Carlist started the round leaving Leia to be last. The truth was she liked it better that way. It gave her time to figure out if the others had anything or were bluffing.

Leia was dealt a negative 8 and a positive 3. In the back of her mind, a memory triggered and she couldn't stop her eyes from momentarily shooting over to Chewie's. He took one look at her and knew. She wasn't sure what the odds were and she didn't want to know. The next round went through and she could barely pay attention to the others as they raised and picking up or discarding cards as they went. It was like it didn't matter. She already knew the outcome of the game. She wasn't sure how she knew, she just did.

When it got to her she paid to draw the top card from the pile. She glanced at it to see she had in fact drawn the positive 8. She raised the bet by 50. The guys laughed and thought she was being cute, then asked to see her cards. She declined, telling them she was pretty sure she had gotten the hang of it.

They continued around again, everyone remaining in the game for the last hand as long as possible. When it returned to her she paid again to select another card and drew the negative 3. She couldn't decide if it was a sign from the Force that there was still hope or just completely random. She saw the current bet and raised by another 100. Chewie didn't wait for his turn to fold.

She could see their brains trying to work out if they went wrong somewhere. Was she simply bluffing? Was Chewie in on it?

Carlist decided he had won enough for the night and folded as well. Wedge almost took the risk but announced it was too rich for his blood and folded.

"Well I am calling and I am not taking another card. I am happy with what I have." Wes stated smugly.

"I am staying in as well. No way am I letting you win this pot." Tycho took another card switching out for one in his hand, smiled proudly and then stated: "I am raising 500."

"You are just trying to scare me out of this pot. It isn't going to work Tycho."

"We will see won't we."

"You guys have fun fighting this out," Lando said as he folded.

"Yeah, I am out too. You guys have kicked my ass all night." Luke said tossing his cards down.

"That leaves you, Leia," Wes said happily. "Do you want to show us your cards?"

Leia stared at the card pile. She was sure she could win with the cards she had but something told her to draw the next card anyway.

"I want to take a peek at the next card." She said after placing 500 credits on the table plus one to take the top card.

"Leia, are you sure?" Luke asked surprised.

"Luke, I know what I am doing." She saw him roll his eyes at her, but she didn't care.

She paused before reaching to pick the card up. She decided that it if was just a random card, then her hand meant nothing, it was just a completely random hand. She could toss the new card into the discard pile and still win.

But if it wasn't random. If it was the Force… Then there was one card in the deck that would be at the top of that pile. One card that would tell her there was still hope.

She reached down and picked up the card, careful not to let anyone else see it. The Green Sylops. She couldn't breathe. She added it to her pile but didn't know what to think. She had been so sure it would be a random card. She thought back to earlier in the night when she had been worried that she was starting to give up hope. Maybe this was the Force's way to push her not too. To show her there was still reason to hope.

"I'll raise another 500." She said looking over to Wes and Tycho.

"You're lying." Wes immediately said.

"Well, it will take you 500 credits to find out," Leia said setting her cards down.

"Fine, I'm calling. I'll get it all back anyway." Wes stated.

"I'm in," Tycho said calling as well.

"Wes, show us your hand," Lando called out.

Wes produced his hand of a -10, +7, and +3.

Tycho immediately started to curse out loud. He chucked his cards angrily on the table, showing a -6, +5, +1.

"Well looks like the pot is mine yet again boys."

"I still have cards," Leia said softly.

"What?" Wes asked confused.

"I said, I still have cards."

"Leia, come on, we know you were bluffing. You don't have to show us your cards if you don't want too." Wes said trying to not sound too excited over winning.

"But it's only fair, right? Besides, I want too." Leia chirped.

Chewie couldn't contain himself any longer and he broke out laughing.

"What?" Wes asked confused.

"I have a feeling we all greatly underestimated Leia," Carlist said smirking.

"Tell me, oh master Sabacc teacher, which hand is better? Is it these two pairs?" She said as she laid down her pairs of 3 and 8.

"You have to play all your cards, Leia. You can't hold on to the one you don't like." Wes said.

Leia just smirked as she flicked her other card onto the table face up.

It took a second for everyone to process that Leia had really just sat down the Sylops, giving her the win by a landslide.

"I spent 47 days on a ship with Han. Did you just think we spent the entire time only sleeping with each other?"

"Leia, that hand. Without the Sylops card…" Lando stared completely shocked at her hand.

"It's the hand Han won the Falcon from you with, after stealing the Sylops you had palmed of course. I know." Leia said oddly calm.

"But… NO!" Wes shouted not wanting to give up the win.

"Next time Wes, don't bet on my sex life," Leia said unforgivingly. "I figured this would hurt for much longer than a slap ever would."

"Damn it!" Wes collapsed his head onto the table before sitting back up. "I am never playing with you again."

"If you're scared I completely understand, Wes. I don't blame you." Leia said deadpan.

"I'm not scared!"

"Come on big boy. Let's get to cleaning." Wedge said dragging Wes out of his chair.

"How did we all assume she had never played before?"

"I don't know Wes, but we did and we all got played," Tycho said laughing.

"So not only are you sleeping with a smuggler, but you're a pro Sabacc hustler now too?" Carlist said with a smile.

"I had to a backup career in case this one falls through." She joked.

"_She got so good she was constantly trouncing Han._" Chewie joined in. "_It drove him absolutely crazy._"

"No, he was fine with it." Leia said.

"No, _he thought it was sexy. But it drove him crazy that after only a few weeks you could outplay him." _The table started to buzz making all three of them look down. "_Lando your comm is going off!_" Chewie hollered tossing the comm to him.

"Has anyone else in leadership seen you yet?" Carlist asked curious after finishing his drink.

"Not as far as I know. A lot of others have seen me tonight. I'm not sure if it has gotten back to them yet."

"I can walk you back to your quarters, we can always walk past McQuarrie's and ask for that apology tonight."

Leia couldn't help but giggle at the thought. "You just want to see him pass out."

"I would love to see him eat his words while having to say how wrong he was."

"As fun as that would be I am walking back with Chewie." Leia said evenly.

"I don't mind, besides it's in the wrong direction for Chewie."

Leia looked at Chewie before looking back at Carlist. "Actually, when the Falcon is docked I sleep there."

"Doesn't it make it hard without Han there?"

"Yes, but I still get better sleep there than I do in my quarters."

"I guess I can understand how that…"

"Princess?" Lando said interrupting Carlist.

"Title!" The Rogues all yelled laughing while continuing to clean the room but Lando just ignored them.

"Princess." He said again.

Leia looked up to see that Lando's face was barely holding his composure. She glanced around the room as everyone else noticed how serious he looked as well.

"Lando who was your call from?" She finally asked, her hands starting to shake. She wanted it to be good news but all her mind was giving her was worst-case scenarios.

"It was one of our contacts on Tatooine."

Leia immediately closed her eyes. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to know. It that moment she realized how wrong she had been. That not knowing was a million times better than knowing the worst-case outcome was true.

She thought she had prepared herself to hear Han was lost, that he was gone forever. But that single sentence from Lando and she knew she hadn't. And how could she have? There was no way to prepare for something like that.

Leia felt her breathing start to increase and she had to stop herself from running from the room. She didn't want to hear this with everyone else. She didn't want to hear she had lost Han while sitting playing cards, having fun.

What kind of horrible person was she? The love of her life was gone and she had decided to hang out drinking and goofing off with people. People who were only interested in getting a hold of his whiskey?!

She should have been in her quarters. She didn't deserve to be enjoying herself while Han was gone. What was wrong with her? She regretted that she had slowed down her drinking. This would have been so much easier to hear if she was still drunk on his whiskey.

"Princess." Lando's voice called out to her again and she felt tears threatening to fall from her eyes. She needed to tell him to stop talking but she couldn't get her voice to work.

"Leia," Lando called softly, reaching out to grasp her hand as he knelt in front of her. "Leia, look at me."

Leia took a deep shaking breath before opening her eyes, finally meeting his gaze. Lando could see that tears were starting to fall from them out of fear.

"Fett delivered Han to Jabba about an hour ago. He's still in carbon freeze, but it is working exactly as it's meant too. Han's still alive, Leia. We can finally go get him."


End file.
